Listening to Wusses

When it comes to chips I am neither a connoisseur nor a major consumer. For me there are two categories of chips: Frito Scoops and all others. Fritos are delightfully and sinfully salty and greasy, and they hold a LOT of guacamole. The others are all pretty much the same, but less, and all chips in the final analysis are merely edible spoons by which to get guac or pico from the plate to the palate. And so, when we wanted to take chips to a function the other day I glanced up and down the interminable row at the grocery store, at the interminable variety of chips, grabbed the necessary Scoops, and then two other bags—Frito Lays in the new crinkly biodegradable bags. The fact that the bags were biodegradable was the only feature that made them stand above the masses.

So this morning I learned that Frito Lay is pulling the bags. They say people don't like the sound of the crinkly bags. Apparently there are some people out there that care more for their tender ears than the death of the planet…I guess when the planet explodes they won't have to listen to crinkly bags, or anything else, for that matter. This is major evidence of wuss-hood. These people are talking from somewhere else than their heads or even hearts, and that is a major issue, but there have always been wusses in the world. The bigger issue arises when leaders listen to them. Why in **** should the world be run by wusses?

Frito Lay could have turned it in their favor and done the earth one at the same time by running an ad: [crinkle, crinkle, crinkle] and a sexy girl croons in a soft British accent, "Love the sound of a healthy planet!"